The Heroine

I never considered myself a hero.  I am not super woman who flies about the planet looking for victims to save.  I simply passed the pond every morning on my exercise walk.  The morning in question marked the beginning of what promised to be a cold transition into a Northwest autumn.  The temperature dropped to below 32 degrees.  Frost whitened lawns and made the sidewalks slippery.  I definitely didn’t set out to be a hero that morning.  I only wanted to get some exercise while avoiding slippage and broken bones.

I approached the pond while a gust of wind pushed me backward with icy force.  I remember hugging my body for extra warmth when a high pitched sound pierced my consciousness.  At first I dismissed it as merely the wind and wrapped my arms even tighter about my shivering body.

I don’t recall what caused me to glance at the pond since my head at that moment pointed downward to avoid the wind, but for some reason I looked in that direction.  Two small arms waved frantically above the water.

I guess instinct took over.  The details remain forever foggy.  All I know is that I ran to the pond, dove in, and pulled out a small trembling child.  He was thin and frail.  His bluish face and fingers gave him an unearthly appearance.  I opened my wet jacket and flannel shirt to allow him access to my body heat after which I wrapped him tightly with my arms and clothing.

I am not exactly sure what thoughts went through my head; if I tried to use my  damaged cell phone or  just ran to the nearest house.   I do remember pounding at the door of an unknown house screaming for help.

You can read the rest of the story in the paper.  “Local Heroine Saves Boy from Drowning” said the headlines.  Those simple words have ruined my life.

Afterwards, folks began to follow me every everywhere, and they scrutinized all my actions.  What thoughts went through their heads?  “This is how a hero drinks coffee.  Here is where the hero shops for food.  This is what she eats.”   

"Good grief", I thought, "leave me alone!"  I felt like a paranoid maniac; only it wasn't my imagination.  People really did follow me and watch me all the time.

The worst part of all of this; people hovered expecting to witness the next heroic act.  Didn’t they understand serendipity?  I just happened upon the situation. 

Fueled by the anticipation of my entire town, I felt the pressure to continue saving my fellow man.  Not motivated by altruism but rather pressure to meet expectations, I volunteered at a local women’s shelter.  I also sponsored a food drive and participated in a human rights group. I wrote letters to the editors of the local paper supporting humanitarian causes.  What have you done to me little boy?  I am forever compelled to help the less fortunate whether I want to or not, and I feel like a fraud!

“Look at me,” I long to shout out loud (but don’t).  “Look deeply.  I am as flawed as you.  Don’t idolize me anymore.  Stop writing about me!  Leave me alone and let me return to the self indulgent life I used to live.  I miss that life!”

I heard some film maker wanted to make a TV movie about me.  He called to ask for an interview.  He also asked to shadow me.  Would this attention ever end?  I wondered.  I could have refused the interview, but my new alter ego felt compelled to satisfy her public.  I felt like Clark Kent in reverse.  The real me, the ordinary everyday unexciting woman, lay hidden beneath the Super Woman suit.

This tale goes even further.  Local politicians both liberal and conservative begged me to run for office on their tickets.  I could be anything from dog catcher to state senator.  I had my pick, and according to local wisdom, I would undoubtedly win.

At some point I decided that perhaps I should run for office, but not for the reasons other people thought.   Maybe, I reasoned, the hero worship would end at last.  No one respects politicians these days.  Finally, I gave in and agreed to run for state congress.  I had to quit my job and live off my savings while I campaigned.  Money poured in for my election; more money than I had ever seen before.  People had to be hired to handle my life.  No one cared about my private self with good reason.  I had no more privacy!    
Everyone wanted to support the heroic candidate.  Photographers posed me with the child from the pond as well as babies I’ve never seen before.  Everywhere I went; people wanted to shake my hand, touch me.  I became so exhausted.  I wanted to sleep rather than do all this, but the momentum swept me forward.  I granted more interviews, made speeches written by other people, and amazingly, got elected.  It was as if I had become the victim drowning in a pond of other people’s expectations.   

Again, the details of what happened hung like a fog in my brain.  My life seemed to be propelled by a force that came from outside my will.

How foolish of me to think that I could stop being a hero once I sat in the state Senate!  Then the whole state pressured me to fight for humanitarian causes with an even louder voice.  Reluctantly I complied.  Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in these things, but I had to deal with lobbyists and my constituents whose agendas often conflicted.  Somehow, I had to make everyone happy which often forced me to stretch the truth.  Oh the guilt of telling political lies!  My working days began at 6:00 AM and ended at 2:00 AM most days.  I talked, talked, talked, traveled, studied reports; it never ended.  I so wanted to sleep with the covers pulled over my head; bury myself where the public could never find me, but I suspected even then that somehow, they’d turn up to drag me back.  I realized I might never have a private life again.

I began to hear rumors that some folks wanted me to run for national office.  The Congressman from our district retired due to some sort of scandal.  The party needed someone with a positive image to replace him.  Guess who filled the bill?  Before I knew it, I made the national talk circuit.  My face smiled from every major news publication and even the tabloids.  Makeup artists and personal dressers transformed my image.  I still don’t recognize this person.  She dresses in designer clothing and has a perpetual smile on her face.  Her flawless hair and skin look like the “Cookie Dolls” that are so popular with little girls.  Who is this person?

Today on the Jason Bronson talk show, he asked for the most important message I could give to the American public.   I wanted to say, “If you ever pass a pond where someone is drowning, keep walking.”  Of course, I didn’t say that!